i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
