Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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