I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
