Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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