The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
