Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
They are going to name an STD after you.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
