I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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