I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
