i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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