In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize