after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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