cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
