It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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