I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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