I bet he comes in French.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
