you guys were way drunker than both of me
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
