well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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