I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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