I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
