My sheets look like a crime scene.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
