I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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