I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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