I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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