I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Randomize
