can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
