i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
