His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
you never un-have a 4some
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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