I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
