he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
third nipple confirmed
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
