I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
