Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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