YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
