Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize