When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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