I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It's just like the Real World with babies
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize