Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
