Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
