I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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