I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
