I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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