Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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