dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
