Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
