I cut my penus on the lid.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
