Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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