So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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