she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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