I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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