i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
