I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
