I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
