I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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