She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
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