dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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