Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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