after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
