Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
