You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
