I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
