Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
