Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
