My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Randomize
