I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My dick has a subreddit
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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