I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
