if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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