I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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