Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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