The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I wear drunk well.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
