I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
