i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
