Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
