So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
zippers are such a cool invention
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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