Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
