people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
