you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
