i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
where does the pee come out of this thing
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize