My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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