Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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