gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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