I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
