it wasn't lemon gatorade
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
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